Sex, Droogs, and Rock 'n Roll

the title says it all....




http://youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI






rick is a god. and miley is his goddess

im listening to a metal cover of 'misery business' done by sea of treachery. BADASS.

i got sweet ink done. a trio symbol on my arm. tacky? yes. a bad idea? yes. BADASS? yes.

saw forgetting sarah marshall last night. satisfied my pubescent dreams of seeing sweet and luscious mila kunis breast. plus lets add in a montage of two separate guys banging kristin bell and kunis respectively. slap my ass and call me charlie. then i drank a lot of whiskey and apparently two sparks. then i woke up on my glass coffee table at 6 am. decided to go for a jog and buy an inflatable dragon swimmy. the dragon is BADASS.

im a man.

well last night was a bitter clusterfuck now wasnt it.

im drinking a modelo before bed.

my girlfriend rearranged my living space without my consideration.

im a MAN.

i should be asleep, but my bed is stange and foreign to me (due to the aforementioned inexplicable invasion on my SHIT) .

i will never bang miley cyrus. first off because i hate everything about her and her father but that damn song, secondarily because im not a pedophile.

small black children steal cars and smoke sigrats, just ask mike hogan.

i will die a happy man after alkaline trio and bayside play the same stage in my hometown on june 27. having successful children will not usurp this.

however alkaline trio was PHYSICALLY on an episode of 'the hills'. those of you that know me will realize how many shots i took out of desperation at the sound of this.

really. thats the recap of my life thus far. besides the fact that im in the process of getting away from my crazy ass mother of a mom. legally.



here comes summer kids...an interesting one will ensue. i look to robert downey jr. for strength

i propose a simple question to men of all races, persuasions, caramel sundaes, and religions....

would you or would you not sacrifice your freedom to rail the ungodly hell out of miley cyrus?

god im going to prison if i answer.




hey patrick, stop studying for your actuary test...come cuddle.

so the weather is beautiful, no one can dispute that. however, it brings out the drunkest in the best of em.

so far tonight, whilst smoking on my balcony, ive seen unconscious women carried out of my complex, heard bottles shattered all over my parking lot, and seen what might have been someone pissing on my girlfriends car...but then again my eyesight isnt the best.

usually im the most hammered in the bunch, so this is both comforting and amusing to me.

in other news, i really cant wait to be done with my history of the holocaust class. im sure everyone has said this about at least 1-20 of their classes before, but typically it probably has to deal with shitty papers, hard exams, or simply a lackluster care for the material. with me, the atrocities this class deals with is seriously starting to get to me. granted im a mutt when it comes to european ancestry, but a good portion of me is german, and theres a lot of mystery to this day as to whether or not some of my ancestors had something to do with what happened over there. i dont know whether or not its guilt or just sheer awe, but this class has emotionally affected me more than any other class ive ever taken. ive never cried in a class before, but that awkward distinction goes to this class. if i get a 4.0 in it, i dont know whether to be proud or ashamed. eh, ill just try not to dwell on it.

transition....i might be a TA this fall for a psych class, so thats cool. imagine...me...giving people advice. if youre giggling as much as i am, then i have succeeded. in other words, steer clear of all 200 level psych classes.

...more broken bottles. on this note, i retire. hopefully see you guys at nachofest.

the oozinator!

picture this: your typical american family is sitting down to a lovely dinner of kentucky fried chicken, when all of a sudden, the mother asks who took the last breast. a voice on the television conveniently chimes in, 'IT WASNT ME!' the family turns towards the television in disbelief and the promo cuts in saying, 'law and order: svu. brought to you by kentucky fried chicken'.

i haven't seen more inappropriate advertising since the oozinator, and we all remember how much i loved that one. we need more tongue in cheek advertising like this, although i really think we should start going in a direction besides drawing analogies between products and pedophilia or rape and murder.

if these ad geniuses are looking for ideas, heres one. kwame kilpatrick on behalf of verizon wireless spotlighting unlimited text messaging

in other news, my prediction of tyler oakley making a pokemon blog based on our conversation was nostra-mothafuckin-damus spot on. two points.

so there's this guy i work with.
his name is matthew tyler oakley.
or more simply tyler oakley if you go by his youtube moniker.

so theres the exposition. here's the story.

hes become something of a youtube phenomenon, to the point that youtube is now paying him to post his blogs and bring hits to the site. ive seen the kids stuff. its entertaining and often hilarious. even more so entertaining is the fact that every so often one of my own social interactions with him is brought up in one of his blogs (hopefully our recent conversation regarding my revelation to tyler that certain pokemon carry cleverly concealed names in the english version of the game such as ekans and arbok spelling 'snake' and 'kobra' backwards respectively, and also that hitmonchan and hitmonlee are clear references to martial arts legends jackie chan and bruce lee among others, but i digress).

lately, i haven't had much of a chance to check out any of his stuff, but now upon searching youtube, i have come to realize that results yield not only his blogs, but now tributes and impersonations. hell the kids even friends with perez hilton now for christs sakes. kudos to him for his accomplishments, but the rest of these people...im speechless really. no opinion really, just a lack of words.

and here i am writing my first blog in at least a month and a half about it.
which brings me full circle....
really, youtube? honestly?
yes, josh. honestly.

the sexual things i would do to jenny lewis cannot be said even on the internet. goddamn.

what?

im confused about a lot of things

my mom is number one on that list

im going to bed

i need a lot of clarity...